I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
