and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
