i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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