i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
