I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize