I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
dude. I can hear the air.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
