you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
