I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
