I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
