i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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