Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
