If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
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That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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