Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
