Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
