i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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