Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
