Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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