New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
