I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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