Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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