Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
