My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
