one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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