3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
