R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
