is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
