I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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