when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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