Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
