hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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