I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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