Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
