but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
