Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
