If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
