She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
