im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just had sex bonerless
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
