so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
