when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
