My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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