This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
