i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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