I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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