I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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