All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
