My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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