..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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