I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
