woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
