I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Randomize
