I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
