She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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