I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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