yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
