just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
