After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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