well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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