her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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