Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
