This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
id be glad to
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
