Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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