peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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