It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
