I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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