3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
