He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
