I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
