I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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