Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
