I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
