THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
